My Healing Story: Part 1 (Not Well)
I feel impressed to share my story. I’m sure someone will benefit. May we all seek, welcome and be grateful for small miracles.
I had grown accustomed to life in a wheelchair with depleted physical strength and endurance, and a fairly bleak expectation for future health, not to mention the occasional gastritis flare-up that was most unpleasant. Several months ago, everything changed. What I first thought was food poisoning or a new take on gastritis brought on me what I know to be my bane. I have a low threshold for pain; but that’s not it. Unrelenting nausea is far worse than pain. I don’t mean for a day or two. I endured this for months. Relief only came in the latter weeks. I couldn’t get to the doctor right away, and hadn’t needed Zofran for so long that my prescription was no longer even in their records; so I tried all these over-the counter, pharmaceutical, homeopathic and herbal medications. Nothing gave relief. The nausea persisted 24 hours day for what seemed like would never end. I could eat nothing at first, and almost nothing for months. I had no appetite and lost the sense of taste. I used to say that I didn’t have to worry about losing my taste when I’d get old because I prefer bland foods anyway. Now I know that’s not true. Food was not bland. It was completely tasteless. When someone says something tastes like cardboard, they may mean that literally. It’s really hard to make yourself consume food, even a bite or two, when it has no taste. I was actually starving, in complete misery, and tremendously weak. I wasn’t depressed; but I eventually lost all hope because nothing seemed to have a positive effect. It is amazing how just a few months of what felt akin to physical torture, eventually it broke my spirit. Being unable to see a future of dignity and quality of life, I surrendered all hope and prayed that prayer.
My Healing Story: Part 2 (The Prayer)
Having suffered unrelenting nausea, starvation, weakness and misery for an extended period, and fearing the worst, I surrendered all hope, and prayed that prayer. I prayed in all sincerity, “If this is what is to be my life for the rest of my life, take care of my family and take me home.” I could not have imagined what the answer to my prayer would be or how completely it would change everything. I began to heal, though it would be some time before I could understand how completely. Healing was slow. The nausea gradually improved. I began to have a hint of an appetite, and was able to eat a few bites a few times a day. The only beverage I could tolerate for the duration was water. As I began to have the sensation of taste again, water tasted delicious. Water tasted clean, clear and refreshing in ways I know I cannot describe. As I moved more and more into healing, I continued to crave water. I know that my body needed the cleansing, clearing and refreshing that only water can afford. In the weeks before I was finally able to get to the doctor I was healing more and more. I wasn’t well by then; but I was recuperating.
My Healing Story: Part 3 (The Doctor)
My daughter was able to take me to the doctor for my visit, and she stayed with me in the examination room. She didn’t usually do that. I asked the new Medical Assistant to weigh me because I hadn’t weighed in quite awhile. They don’t always weigh me at the doctor’s office, and I didn’t have a scale at home; but I could tell that I had lost weight over the “not well” months. I didn’t say all that; just asked to be weighed. As I stepped off the scale I said quietly, “I lost 40 pounds.” Apparently that got his attention. He tested the scale himself. Now, I didn’t tell them that I had actually gained weight before I lost, and the weight loss had all occurred in three months. That was unbelievable enough. By my estimation, knowing how large I was and how my clothes fit, it was more like 60 lbs in three months; but, of course that is “impossible”; no matter if it’s true. So, for the record, I am only stating that I lost the documented 40 lbs in three months. I really love my doctor. That’s why I still go out of town to see her, even though I moved a couple of years ago. She is very thorough, kind and professional. I had a fairly late appointment, and I had been fasting since midnight. Not even a drop of water since about 12:15 AM. The doctor was late seeing me because they had been super busy that afternoon. She covered all the questions, submitted my prescriptions to the pharmacy, discussed a plan of action for a few things, and saw to it that I got a flu shot and labs drawn. It was 5 o’clock before the labs were drawn, and the lab was closed already; so it would be the next day before we would have the results. Saturday morning the doctor called with some surprising results. The CBC was perfect; so it was good to know I had no infection in my bloodstream. Liver and cholesterol weren’t great; but not alarming. The surprise that had never even occurred to me despite my medical background, was that my A1C went from 6.6 to 10.2, my blood glucose that was drawn at 5 PM after fasting for 17 hours, was 251. I was on oral diabetes medication; so, of course, I had a medication change, and a return visit planned for 3 months to repeat labs. Obviously my elevated blood sugar was unrelated to food intake. The A1C meant that my blood sugar averaged around 250 while I was starving for three months. Then I knew it was because I had been very, very sick. Illness can be too great of stress for the insulin-resistant diabetic to compensate for, and that results in uncontrollable blood sugar levels. My little machine to check blood sugar hadn’t worked in years, and had not been an issue because I had done so well up to this point. But that leap in the A1C got everyone’s attention.
My Healing Story: Part 4 (More Than Recovery)
Remember my prayer? I prayed, “If this is what my life is to be for the rest of my life, take care of my family, and take me home.” It has taken some healing and time, and, with much gratitude, discussion with loving family members who have provided additional spiritual insight; and much has been revealed. The answer to my prayer is undeniably that this is not the time for me to go “home”. Everyone knows that Divine Purpose is the focus of my life and teaching. The answer is clearly that I have not yet completed all that I came into this life on Earth to do. I knew that; but I had faith that, if my body was unable to sustain life that provisions would be made in the hereafter to continue the work at a soul level somehow. Apparently I really need to complete my soul’s plan in this lifetime. Well, there is lots more than that. I will only share what Spirit guides, as many of these revelations are deeply personal. What I did not comprehend when I prayed my prayer was that I was inviting a miracle. Not the “minor miracle” of being healed of an illness; but a grander miracle, indeed. I’ll cut to the chase. Now, on the other side of this, just a few weeks out from that doctor visit, I can see with great clarity that much more has taken place than mere recovery. I am changed. Really, fully, deeply changed. I compared the change to what my sister and I experienced in the Millionaire Mind weekend intensive years ago when, in a weekend, belief systems and thought processes that had been derailing us from the desired course for our lives for many, many years were changed. As we eventually had a discussion about all this, more came to light. In answer to my prayer concerning this illness, I was healed; and more, I was freed from beliefs and thought processes that were invasive and pervasive, and destined to ensure that this body could not sustain life for this soul to complete the journey in this lifetime. Those are gone. They are absolutely gone. I say I am freed of all addictions. I wasn’t addicted to drugs or smoking or any of the usual things people seek help for. I was addicted to food and beliefs and ways of dealing with life that were the worst things for me. The word that came for this was “deliverance”, and I was delivered in a very real sense. It brought to mind the book called, “Freeing the Captives”. I was held captive by the thought process running in the background of my mind and by belief systems that I didn’t recognize were no longer valid or appropriate. Being free, I saw with clear vision. Being free, I felt my soul energy in fullness. Being free, I had a greater knowing of what Spirit guides me in. Being free, I had no desire for those things which cause harm. In these post-doctor-visit weeks I have been able to get a scale and blood sugar machine to keep track. My blood sugar is excellent for a diabetic. In fact, when I eat an all-protein or almost all-protein meal, my blood sugar goes down and my body acts like a non-diabetic for the span of time that the protein is in my body. I continue to lose weight at a reasonable rate while enjoying healthy food in responsible portions. My appetite has returned, and I desire mostly fresh foods. I am satisfied with my small, healthy meals. On occasion I enjoy an “old favorite” in moderation and perhaps adjustment to the menu; but if my blood sugar is affected more than I am comfortable with, I have no regret in stating that I won’t be having that food again. My energy level is better than it has been in years. The wheelchair I’ve used for 12 years, and been dependent on for nearly 10 years is on a time-share with my walker now. Though I haven’t had the strength to leave my home other than to go to the doctor for over a year, I not only visited some of my dearest friends this weekend; but I took the walker and left the wheelchair behind, with gratitude to my sister for providing my transportation and sharing the experience with me. I began receiving inspiration for a new way to provide Divine Purpose Guidework that is simple, affordable to clients, very promising as a practice, and something apart from what anyone else is doing. In humility and reverence I am grateful for the knowledge that it is well for us to ask for miracles, and to believe, even when we know not how such things can happen or what miracles could possibly come. I invite you to welcome hope, joy, healing, freedom from oppression and miracles into your life and lives of those you love. Many blessings.
Mary Catherine Miller